One is never too old to benefit from a positive role model. I first met one of mine rather late in my career when I was working on an advanced degree in educational administration. I was shadowing Ms C for a day as she performed her duties as a dean in an inner city middle school. The dean’s job was student discipline. On this day, she was called to a classroom for a boy, B, who was acting up and was belligerently refusing to go to the office as per the teacher’s discipline slip. I became very interested in how this situation would be resolved since it would be in front of a classroom of students… a SHOWDOWN! Ms C calmly walked into the room (so quiet now you could hear a pin drop, all eyes on her, B with his head held high and arms crossed over his chest) and over to B. She said something very quietly into his ear. He immediately and quietly stood up and walked out with Ms C. Now I was doubly interested and confused. I asked her privately later what she had said to B. She said she just asked him to please come with her. She said she knew this student, had built a rapport with him, and he trusted her. So I began watching her rapport building with all students because I wanted some of that.
Several years later, after I had become a high school principal, I had occasion to see Ms C again. She had become principal of an alternative school in a nearby district. Traditionally viewed as a punitive school, where reform was believed to come about through strict rule and punishment, this school was used by my school district for expelled students. I saw Ms C, to my surprise, when I delivered my expelled student, D. I remembered her rapport with students and was pleased to get to see how it would work in a whole school of troubled youth. After an enlightening tour of the school with D, I left feeling positive, optimistic, and grateful that I could leave D in this contagiously happy environment. When D had fulfilled his time in the alternative school, Ms C accompanied him back to my school. The three of us had a respectful meeting setting positive goals with lots of well-wishing. Ms C made three additional visits to my school to support and encourage D. (To my knowledge then and from my experience since, this practice of transitional support from an alternative school was not the norm.) She was once again an inspiration and a positive role model for me as I strived to continue her loving example with D through his many setbacks and struggles.
Many years later, after I had moved as principal to another state, I received a special phone call. The woman on the phone wanted to know if I was indeed the principal she was trying to track down via the internet. She identified herself as the mother of D and said she wanted me and Ms C to know that D had just graduated from college. She credited the two of us for this accomplishment by our loving guidance of her son during those horrendous, extremely difficult years. Steadying my voice, I thanked her for taking the trouble to find me and invite me to his graduation. She said she was disappointed that she had not been able to locate Ms C. I was able to locate her and enjoyed telling her the good news. Ms C and I were not able to attend the graduation, but we each sent him our congratulations and a small token of recognition.
It is beautiful thing to know you can be a positive role model without knowing you are one.
